


let's grow old together (and die at the same time)

by mindelan



Series: tumblr prompts [1]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Emphasis On Happy Ending, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Injury, Sharing a Bed, Sickfic, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-08 13:07:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 17,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12865152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mindelan/pseuds/mindelan
Summary: “I think you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever laid my eyes on,” Jyn murmurs, leaning forward so her lips are nearly touching his. “You don’t have to believe me, but it’s true.”Cassian shakes his head, his face a mirror image of what she suspects her’s looked like two seconds ago, so she closes the gap between them, presses her lips to his, and hopes that she can convey her love for him through her actions. He must have the same thought, because he kisses her back with an almost desperate fervor.It’s that kiss that tells her that Cassian Andor might be falling in love with her, too.(a prompt collection.)





	1. "this is all your fault!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fic title from "lose my life" by white lies which is a jam
> 
> for the sentence starter prompt “this is all your fault!”

“This is all your fault,” Jyn complains from somewhere on the floor. She hadn’t quite made it to the bed when they had stumbled in here earlier, though in her defense, he hadn’t either. 

Cassian lets out an incredulous huff and leans his head up against the mattress. The cold seeps up from the floor and through his clothes, and he _knows_ that he should muster up enough strength to get the two of them into bed, but it’s just so hard. “It’s my fault that _you_ kissed me?”

“You got me sick,” comes her mumbled reply, and it sounds so pitiful and sad that he can’t help but shift to try and get a better look at her. She’s curled up in a ball at the foot of the bed, cheek pressed into the snowy floor. If she’s as hot as he is right now, he can imagine that it feels pretty nice. Still – her lips are tinged blue and the last thing the two of them need right now is hypothermia. 

“We need to get into bed,” he says firmly, or, at least, he tries to. The rasp in his throat doesn’t make him sound even remotely commanding. 

Jyn groans softly, which he chooses to believe is a sign of her agreement. (Realistically, he has no idea. His head is spinning so fast that it’s hard to think about something for too long.)

“Come on,” he tries to push himself off the ground, but stops when a cough erupts out of his lungs. His breath rasps in his throat. “Come on, Jyn.” 

She’s not moving anymore and he would be concerned if he didn’t see the breath puffing out in front of her mouth. In all honesty, he doesn’t want to move either. “We should… _Force_ …get up.” 

“Don’t wanna,” she whispers, tucking her fingers underneath her chin to warm them up. “’s fine, Cass.” 

“Jyn…” he responds with more than a little frustration, but closes his eyes anyway. He just needs a little rest. A quick break. Then he’ll get them into bed.  

Or a minute or two. Or maybe a little longer than that. When he opens his eyes again, his fingers ache so badly that it feels as if a strong wind would break them off. 

But his lap is warm. Warmer than it was before he fell asleep. 

Blearily, he blinks the sleep out of his eyes and looks down. Jyn’s somehow managed to drag herself over where he’s sitting and curled up next to him, her head pillowed on his legs. He lets out a laugh that sounds more like a wheeze and brushes the hair out of her eyes gently. 

“I’m dying,” Jyn rasps, curling her fingers tighter around the material of his shirt. She tugs him closer. “This is not a – “ she coughs wetly, “not a kriffing _cold._ ”

His thumb rubs circles on her exposed cheekbone. “The 2-1B’s said we’d feel better in a couple of days,” he replies, trying to be comforting but failing miserably. 

“Once I can move I’m going to reprogram them,” she mutters. The heat in her voice would surprise him if he didn’t know her better. “So that they can accurately – “ she pauses, shifts, “accurately diagnose their patients.” 

Remembering the amount of effort it took Bodhi to convince her to go to the medbay in the first place (he would have helped if he hadn’t felt like he was going to pass out), he’s inclined to agree with her. There’s no arguing with Jyn when she’s like this (or really, any other time, either). 

“All right,” he murmurs. “I’ll help you.” There’s a part of him that agrees with her – it does feel an awful like his head is going to cave in any second now.

“I knew there was a reason I loved you,” she responds with a hint of satisfaction in her voice, turning up to offer him a smile that looks more like a grimace. 

Cassian smiles at that, leaning down to press a kiss on her forehead. He laughs when she tries to turn away, though that quickly turns into a wheezing cough that makes his lungs rattle. 

“You’re going to get me sicker,” she protests, pressing her face into his coat. “Cass!” 

“Sorry, sorry,” he chuckles weakly, letting his head fall back against the bed again. It feels as if all of the strength has been sapped out of him. “We should…” 

They should move, that’s for sure. But all Jyn does is tug him closer and he lets her. “Too tired,” she mumbles, and he agrees. 

The sound of the door opening is what wakes him. He squints as light suddenly floods the room and he can barely make out Bodhi’s frame standing in the doorway. 

Bodhi takes one look at them curled up together on the floor and sighs, exasperated. “You stubborn _nerfherders_ ,” he says, moving to help the two of them up off the ground. 

Cassian tries to explain himself. “We almost made it.” 

Bodhi snorts, crouching down to wake Jyn up. “ _Almost._ ” 

And even though his teeth are chattering and the cold feels stuck in his bones, Cassian hadn’t really minded napping on the floor. And by the sheer resistance Jyn is putting up right now, he doesn’t think she had minded either. 

( _though, if he's being honest, the bed is probably the best place for them right now. he'll have to thank bodhi once he can think straight again._ )


	2. "i don't get sick."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for TinCanTelephone, who asked for a prequel to the last chapter!

Despite the layers Cassian’s wearing, he still finds himself shivering and unable to get warm. 

He sits at his desk with his parka hood up, fur tickling his nose as he tries to focus on his datapad, but his head is pounding and he can barely read any of the words on the screen. 

“Cass? You okay?”

“’m fine, Jyn,” he mumbles, stubbornly keeping his eyes on his work. His hands shake with the effort of holding up the datapad. “Just gotta get…get some work done.”

Suddenly, Jyn’s at his side, plucking his work from his fingers and tossing it onto the bed. Cassian groans, leaning back in his chair as Jyn hops up to sit on his desk. “Jyn–”

“You’re sick,” she observes dryly, tilting her head to the side. Cassian can’t help but admire how cute she looks when she does that. “Get back into bed, Cassian. You’re not going to get anything done like this.”

“I’m not sick,” he replies stubbornly. At her raised eyebrow and her look of utter disbelief, he admits crossly, “Fine. I _might_ have a cold. But that doesn’t mean I get to take a break.”

“At the very least you can work in bed,” she argues, sliding off the desk to hoist him out of the chair. He goes with little resistance. “C’mon, Cass. Let’s go.” 

She gets him into bed and bundles him up tighter, wrapping blankets around his shivering form. He’ll never admit it out loud–he’s too prideful for that–but he does feel a lot better sitting in bed.

But when Jyn leans in to give him a kiss goodbye, he leans away from her despite the disappointment flashing across her face. 

“I don’t want to get you sick,” Cassian tries, trying to placate her as she sits at the edge of the bed in a huff. 

“I thought you said you weren’t sick,” she teases, leaning it again even with Cassian pushing her away. The last thing he wants is for Jyn to suffer alongside him.

“Jyn–”

“I don’t get sick, Cass,” she argues hotly. “One kiss isn’t going to give me whatever the hell you have.”

At her very blatant lie–because who doesn’t get sick every once in awhile?–he only has to look at her for a few seconds before she cracks. 

“Okay, _fine,”_ she says, rolling her eyes. “I got sick _once_ when I was with Saw. I was sparring with someone and I sneezed so hard I fell back on my ass. And even though I said I was fine, my partner made me go lie down,” she complains, throwing her hands up in the air. “Can you believe it? Saw's best soldier, forced to go rest. Force, I got made fun of for that for _weeks_ after.”

He frowns, reaching across the bed to take her hands. Even though he cherishes each part of her past she chooses to share with him, it still pains him to hear worst parts of it. But Jyn doesn't seem to register his distress at how she'd been treated. “And how old were you, exactly?”

Jyn doesn’t meet his eyes. “Eleven,” she mutters, as if that's way too old to be babied when sick, then turns back to him. “But that’s not the point. In the last twelve years, I’ve only gotten fevers from infection. It’s one kiss. I’ll be fine.” 

When she gets like this, Cassian knows there’s no point in arguing. Jyn’s always been the most stubborn person he knows. So he nods and lets her kiss him. 

It’s soft and tender, but she slips her hands through the hair at the nape of his neck to deepen it. Just as he leans forward to bring her closer to him, she dances out of his grip with a teasing grin.

“I’ll see you soon, Cass,” she says lightly. “Feel better, okay?” And with that, she’s out the door. 

Slightly stunned, all Cassian can do is touch his gloved fingers to his lips and lean back onto the pillows with a small smile. Even in the haze of his fever, he's not sure he can remember being happier than this.

( _a couple days later, they’ll both realize that jyn does, in fact, get sick quite often and that cassian doesn’t, in fact, have a cold. but when they’re both laying on the floor, too sick to get up, they’ll both realize that maybe that kiss hadn’t been a mistake after all._ ) 


	3. "you need to leave. now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for anonymous, who asked for one of them getting shot down in battle and the other believing they're dead

_“Hurry up – oh kriffing hell – hurry up, would you?”_

“I’m going as fast as I can,” Cassian grunts, thumping his fist down on the computer for good measure. It doesn’t speed up the download – in fact, he swears that it starts to go slower. “I’m almost done. Hold on.”

He ducks at the sound of blaster fire outside the room, crouching beneath the nearby desk. No one enters, and he breathes a sigh of relief. The computer’s about a third of the way there. Cursing, he stands back up and tries to finish the upload.

He can hear Jyn panting in the commlink in his ear. He hears every thunk as she slams her truncheons into stormtrooper armor, every gasp of pain, every swear. “Hold on, Jyn,” he mutters, palms sweating. “Just a few more seconds – “

He hadn’t wanted to leave Jyn behind, but someone had to distract the incoming ‘troopers and he knew that she’s more than capable. He’s seen her in action; he knows that she can hold her own in a fight that’s seemingly outnumber.

Still – he worries.

The upload finishes. Cassian grins, snatching the flashdrive out of the computer and shoving it into his coat pocket. “It’s done. I’m on my way. ”

_“You need to leave. Now.”_

The urgency in her voice makes him take off at a run. “Jyn? What’s wrong?”

_“Cassian – go! Take the upload and go! There’s too many – “_

As he rounds a corner, his commlink cuts out. There’s nothing but static in his ear, but he tries to comm her anyway. “Jyn! Answer me! _Jyn!_ ”

No response. He’s sprinting now, his heart clenching, pushing away people in his way as he tries to make his way toward her, tries to save her before it’s too late.

This is his fault, he thinks as he runs, his breath coming in short gasps, his lungs constricting. He shouldn’t have left her behind, that had been a _stupid kriffing mistake_ –

He stops short at the alley where he left her, skidding to a halt. There’s stormtroopers everywhere, but they’re all dead, laying in haphazard piles. And up against a wall, Jyn lies with a hand over her stomach, paler than he’s ever seen her.

From where he’s standing, it doesn’t look as if she’s breathing. He hurries to kneel at her side, checking for a pulse. There’s blood everywhere, all over her face, on her hands, on her clothes, and there’s a blaster wound in her stomach that’s bleeding too heavily and her shoulder looks dislocated –  

He can’t find a pulse. _He can’t find a pulse._

“No,” he says, shaking his head. It’s getting hard to see, Jyn’s prone form in front of him is growing blurry. “No, no, no. You’re not allowed to die.”

Since he started working in Intelligence, Cassian’s learned to build up his walls, to hide his emotions. He can’t remember the last time he cried, but he does now. Tears drip down onto her face, washing away the blood, as he moves to cradle her body in his arms.

_This is my fault._

After surviving Scarif, he’s always assumed that they would die together. It makes sense – the two of them are practically attached at the hip. This – this isn’t right. She shouldn’t have died alone. He should be with her, he should have died too.

“I am so sorry, _cariño,_ ” he murmurs, kissing her brow gently and smoothing away the hair on her face. He notices, absently, that her hair has fallen out of her bun. “I am so, so sorry.”

It’s not safe to stay here, he knows. But he can’t make himself leave.

He leans down, his nose nearly touching her brow. “I love you,” he whispers, his voice cracking on the last note. He bows his head, choking on a sob. He has to close his eyes before he can continue. “I’m going to take care of you, okay? I’ve got you, Jyn. I've got you."

Back on Fest, they burned the dead. The ground there is too cold to dig graves and the same is true on Hoth. Jyn would like that. He could send her ashes out in space to be with the stars. She’d be stardust then.

Dully, he realizes that now she’ll be with the rest of her family. Lyra, Galen, Saw – and now Jyn.

Carefully, he scoops her body up into his arms and stands, trying not to jostle her, despite the fact that she wouldn't be able to feel it anyway. But when he does that, there’s a small whimper of pain.

Jyn’s eyes flutter open, hazy with pain. “Should…have…” she coughs. Blood stains her lips, and his fingers itch to wipe it away. “Left…”

He opens his mouth to speak, but the words don’t come out. All he can focus on is Jyn, alive in his arms, barely breathing.

He needs to get her out of here, _now._

“Never,” he murmurs, tucking her closer into his chest as he runs. His pace is unrelenting. “I will never leave you behind. I’m here. I'm here for you, always.”

Jyn doesn’t reply, but her weak pulse underneath his fingers is all the response he needs.


	4. wii sports: boxing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was written at about 1am because my sleep-deprived ass thought it would be funny. so. here we go folks.
> 
> this is set in the modern au

“I cannot believe this,” Jyn says incredulously, watching the words “YOU LOSE!” appear on her half of the screen, while “YOU WIN!” flashes on Cassian’s. Her Mii looks dejectedly at the ground while his does a victory dance. It’s absolutely maddening. “I _had_ that last shot. This game is rigged and you’re cheating. Somehow.”

( _she doesn’t think it’s possible to cheat on the wii, but if there’s a way, cassian’s found it._ )

“You’re accusing me of cheating?” he shoots back, eyes comically wide. “Especially after I caught you cheating at poker four separate times last week? In a single game?”

“…yes?”

“You’re only saying that because you didn’t win,” Cassian replies smugly, leaning back on the couch. He, she notes with some disapproval, doesn’t have the wii remote’s strap fastened firmly around his wrist. “Just admit it: you’re not that good at bowling.”

Jyn’s mouth drops. “Don’t go there, Cass.”

Saw is probably rolling around his grave right now. Failure is never an option, especially on trivial things such as–

Hell, who’s she kidding? Wii Sports is the farthest thing from trivial.

“You heard me, Jyn,” he says, spreading his arms out wide. She narrows her eyes. “You’re good at a lot of things; Wii Sports just isn’t one of them.”

Betrayal cuts through her like a knife. She’d expect this kind of slander from Kay, but not from her boyfriend.

This means war.

“All right,” she says, standing up and crossing her arms. Her remote, attached safely to her wrist, dangles from her arm. “We’re having a rematch. Give me your remote.”

He frowns at her, clearly confused, but hands it over nonetheless. “How are we supposed to have a rematch if you have both remotes?”

“Because,” Jyn responds, fastening the remote to her other wrist, “we’re going to duke it out in real life. Like adults.”

She holds up the two wii remotes, grinning as he groans, putting his head in his hands. He knows her well enough by now that she’s not kidding. (And she’s not. She had that last shot–it _clearly_ should have been a strike.)

“See?” she says. “I’ve got my wii remote truncheons. Choose your weapon, Cassian Andor.”

He raises a brow, before letting out a short bark of a laugh. Force only knows what he must think of her now. “You’ve taken all of the weapons in here, but I think I’ve got something upstairs.”

She watches as he takes the stairs by two, swinging her makeshift truncheons a couple of times through the air to get used to the weight. When Cassian finally makes it back downstairs, he’s got a nerf gun in his hands and she’s already in a fighting stance.

“Found this old thing a while back when I was cleaning out my closet,” he admits, loading the cartridge with foam nerf darts. “It’s been a long time since I’ve shot it, but I think my chances of winning are pretty good.”

The choice of weapon makes sense, she muses. He’s too scrawny to be a brawler, but a sniper? Yeah, she can see it. It doesn’t matter, though. She’s still going to win.

“Please,” Jyn scoffs, “like a measly projectile can beat the sheer power of my remotes.”

She does a few fake strikes to, you know, intimidate him a little bit. He doesn’t look nearly as scared as she imagined he would. In fact, he looks sort of impressed.

“Where the hell did you learn to use those things?”

“From Saw,” she says primly, then adds, “Well, kinda. He told me I had to start using the strap on the remote when I accidentally broke a window when bowling and it sort of,” she shrugs, “escalated from there.”

And while Saw hadn’t exactly taught her to use wii remotes as a weapon, he taught her plenty of other things that would be considered questionable, especially since she had been eight when she came into his care. Examples of that would be taking her to the gun range to learn how to shoot at age nine, or how every summer he’d drop her off in the middle of the wilderness with nothing except the pack on her back to survive.

( _“it builds character,” he used to say, or some bantha-shit like that. years later, she can’t help but wonder what kind of character she would have been without his “help.”)_

“Only you,” Cassian says, not even bothering to hide his grin, “would break a window by throwing a wii remote through it.”

“ _Accidentally_ ,” she snaps, then waves his laughter off. “Enough talking, Andor. I have a fight to win.”

The two of them stand facing each other, just like cowboys would for a duel in an old western movie. Cassian’s tactical, especially with this kind of stuff. Every time they play Risk, he thoroughly whoops her ass because she’s too impatient to see it through. It’s likely that he’ll bring the same kind of strategy to their boxing match. 

But to counter Cassian’s rationality, she’s impulsive. And she cheats constantly. She remembers the look on his face when he returned from the bathroom only to find that she had bowled a couple of rounds for him. 

( _and yet that nerf herding moof milker had still won, even with her assistance._ )

While she’s sizing him up, he raises his gun and fires at her. It almost takes her off guard, but she’s ready for his attack, hitting the dart out of the air with one of her remotes. It hits the wall next to her with a small _thunk._ It’s her turn to smirk now. “You’re going to have to try harder than that–”

Her taunt is interrupted when a dart hits her in the middle of her forehead.

Cassian chuckles as she gapes at him. “Boom,” he says, pretending to blow smoke off of his gun. “Headshot. I win.”

Jyn charges him, tackling him to the ground.

The two of them go down laughing. Cassian’s gun clatters to the floor somewhere to their left, but neither make a move to grab it. Slightly breathless, Jyn presses her wii remote truncheons to his neck as she straddles him, thighs wrapped around his hips. He lets his head hit the ground, eyes closed, still chuckling. “Who’s the winner now, Cass?”

“It’s still me,” he replies. “I killed you already. You can’t kill me because you’re dead.”

“Well, I came back to life,” she shoots back, jabbing him lightly in the side of her neck with a remote. “So I could avenge myself.”

Cassian opens one eye to stare at her. “That’s impossible.”

Jyn deflates slightly, but straightens up as another (brilliant) idea pops in her head. “I’m a ghost, then.”

“Ghosts are transparent,” he replies patiently. “You wouldn’t be able to hold your truncheons if you were a ghost; they’d fall right through you.”

“Then how do they knock all of that shit over in horror movies, huh? Explain _that,_ Andor”

He groans once again, knocking his head back on the floor lightly. “You are _ridiculous,_ Jyn Erso.”

“I’m also a winner,” she adds smugly, because she’s the one who has the upper hand right now. “You don’t even have your gun anymore.”

She leans down to press her lips to his for a victory kiss, which he returns enthusiastically. He shifts slightly so he can run his hands down her back. “You are ridiculous,” he repeats softly when they come up for air, kissing her jawline for punctuation, “and wonderful,” another kiss, “and also–” she closes her eyes, expecting his lips on hers, but suddenly she’s the one on the ground and he’s straddling her, “very easily distracted.”

“Not fair,” she whines, but Cassian kisses her once again and her protests are forgotten. She reaches up to wrap her arms around his neck, and her wii remotes, still fastened safely to her wrists, thud hardly against his back.

She can’t help but giggle at his muffled groan of pain, breaking the kiss just to say, “You can’t feel anything. You’re dead, remember?”

“I shot you first,” he mutters into her neck, worrying the skin there between his teeth. “If anyone’s dead, it’s _you._ ”

“Damn, Cass, I didn’t know you had a thing for dead girls–”

“Jyn, please,” he says, sighing heavily. “Just shut up and let me kiss you, all right?”

For once, she’s happy to oblige without argument.

(t _he wii remotes prove to be a bit of a problem later, since they’re still fastened securely tooher wrists, but, hey, at least all of the windows in cassian’s apartment are still intact when the night is over._ )


	5. "don't tell me I should have left you behind."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for an anonymous commenter on chapter three who asked for jyn having to come back for cassian and believing he's dead.

The data chip Cassian had thrust into her hands earlier burns a hole in her pocket as she runs, dashing through alleyways and dodging the busy main streets. Every so often, she reaches down to feel it through the thin material of her pants, making sure that it’s still there. Making sure that Cassian hadn’t sacrificed himself in vain.

Jyn stops to catch her breath, leaning up against the wall in the shadows of a nearby building. She gasps, folds over on herself as she gulps down big lungfuls of air. Her hair is plastered to her forehead with sweat and she wipes it away absently as she straightens. The ship, if she’s recalling its location correctly, shouldn’t be much farther away. The sooner she stores the data inside of it, the sooner she can get back and help Cassian, his whole playing “the martyr” bantha-shit be damned. 

As she starts running again, she has to resist the urge to turn around and go back for him. He’ll be fine, she tells herself, but all she can do is replay their last conversation in her head. She sees the panic in his eyes over and over before he masks it into indifference, pushing her away as ‘troopers close in on them. Force, she left him _alone–_ her heart lurches in her chest, she never should have left him she needs to go back for him who gives a fuck about the information the Rebellion supposedly needs–

An explosion sounds in the distance. Jyn’s head whips around as she skids to a stop, and all she can do is stare as she watches a cloud of smoke rise into the air from the same direction she left Cassian in. Her breath stutters to a stop as she watches the chaos unfold. There’s people running from all directions, screaming and shouts of panic, and she thinks she can hear a siren blaring in the distance, but the sound of her heartbeat pounding in her ears drowns out everything else. 

_Cassian._

She turns around immediately, sprinting back in the direction she came from.She shouldn’t have left him. She never should have left him behind, despite his insistence to get the data out of there and to let him take care of the reinforcements. She shouldn’t have let him kiss her goodbye before he ducked for cover. Had that been their last time together? And she had left him without so much as a look back. What the hell has the Rebellion done to her, where a data chip is more important than her partner’s life?

The scene of the explosion comes into view as Jyn turns a corner, blaster in hand. But there’s no fighting in the chaos, just a large pile of concrete in what used to be the building. Her stomach sinks as she realizes that the rubble is where Cassian had taken cover before the fighting. 

She shoulders aside the people running away, ignores those crying and grieving as she pushes herself to the front. There are already stormtroopers blocking off the area, but she uses the chaos to her advantage to sneak past them and get to the site of the explosions. Others clearly have the same idea–Jyn wonders, with bile rising in her throat how many people were in the same building and the surrounding area that were killed in the explosion. 

She hopes that Cassian isn’t among them, that he isn’t lying underneath the rocks struggling to breathe as she stands here, gaping. She hopes he doesn’t die before she can get to him.

She falls to her knees after she surveys the site and sees no sight of him. Immediately, she starts digging, not caring when her nails break and her hands bleed. She’s not leaving here without Cassian, even if it’s a body. Hysteria almost gets the best of her as she quickens her pace, tears blurring her vision as desperation grips her. Her hopes that she’d find him alive diminish with each passing second. Where is he where’s Cassian did he die in the explosion or had the ‘troopers gotten him had it been quick?

_(she hopes it had been quick. he deserves that, at the very least.)_

“Jyn?”

Her stomach lurches as the familiar voice reaches her ears, but she doesn’t turn around, just keeps digging. Her fingers are getting sliced by the jagged edges of the rocks but she doesn’t care, letting her blood mix in with the dirt. Tears blur her eyes because he _must_ be dead if she can hear his voice. The same thing had happened after Eadu with her father and he’s dead, so it must mean that Cassian is too. He can’t be behind her, his body has to be somewhere in the rubble in front of her, broken and bleeding and bruised and _dead–_

“Jyn, it’s me,” the voice urges, grabbing her by the shoulders and turning her around. It’s Cassian, sinking to the ground next to her, cupping her face in his hands. “Jyn, I’m here. I’m here.” 

She tries to jerk her head out of his grip and turn back to the rubble to keep looking for him, but his hands are firm. She stares at him for a second, blinking away tears, before launching herself at him with a choked off sob. 

“I’m here,” he murmurs, as he catches her in his arms to pull her in for a tight hug. His hands rub circles on her back as she tries to catch her breath. “I’m here, Jyn. I’m here.”

“I thought you were–”

“I know. I know. I’m here, _cariño_. I’m here.”

When she finally manages to stop crying, she pulls back away from him with a shaky laugh, wiping her tears away roughly. For the first time, she looks him over. He’s got an arm wrapped around his ribs and there’s a nasty gash on his head that’s bleeding down his face. It’s likely that he has more internal injuries but as far as she can tell, he’s alive and sitting in front of her.

“One of the ‘troopers tossed a grenade,” he explains before she can ask. “I managed to get out of the building before it went down but still got caught in the explosion. Luckily, so did they. I think it got all of them.” 

There are still ‘troopers gathering around the explosion site, but the two of them aren’t rebels right now, they’re civilians who had gotten caught in the crossfire. She thinks, as long as they keep their heads down, they should go relatively unnoticed.

She shakes her head, reaching forward to cup his face in her hands. He flinches at her touch but doesn’t pull away. “Where are you hurt?” 

“I hit my head pretty hard,” he admits, and the fact that he’s not telling her he’s fine worries her more than she’ll admit. “I think I broke a few ribs. And there’s something. . .” he shifts, furrowing his brow. “Something’s wrong with my leg. The one I hurt on Scarif.” 

“Okay,” she breathes, steadying him. “Listen, most of the medical supplies are on the ship. Do you think you can make it there?” 

“Yeah,” he says, but his voice is strained. She helps him up and wraps an arm around his shoulder to support his weight, careful to avoid his injuries. Guilt slices through her whenever he winces, leaning on her heavily. “Did you send the information to the Alliance?” 

She doesn’t answer for a beat, then says, “No. As soon as I heard the explosion, I turned around to come back for you.” 

“Jyn–” 

“Don’t, Cass,” she interrupts, steeling her gaze forward. She doesn’t want to meet his eyes. “Don’t tell me I should have left you behind. I will _never_ leave you behind, you hear me?”

He exhales, breath unsteady. “Okay,” he says finally, then adds softly, “Thank you.”

She doesn’t response, only tightening her grip around him as she pushes them forward. They’re together, they’re alive, they’re surviving. 

Jyn doesn’t have to hide her smile as they limp through the streets of Tatooine. They’re _alive._


	6. the bet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Baze make a bet. As expected, everything goes wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i wanted to write something for rogue one anniversary week, but I didn't have the time, so i made this instead! it's silly and very self-indulgent, but i hope you enjoy despite that!

“Whoever does it first wins, then.”

Baze reaches out to shake her hand gruffly, nodding. “It’s a bet.”

“What’s a bet?”

Jyn spins around, crossing her arms over her chest. “Hey, Cassian,” she says a little too quickly, as Baze shifts behind her uncomfortably. “We’re just getting ready to head out.”

He narrows his eyes at her, knowing from experience that she won’t spill, then turns to Bodhi. “What were they talking about?”

Bodhi opens his mouth, then sends a furtive glance at Jyn. She shakes her head, widening her eyes slightly. There’s no way in hell that Cassian would be okay with the bet, but Bodhi respects him too much to lie. “They were–well, they–”

She grabs Bodhi’s arm before he can spill, and starts dragging him toward his tauntaun. “We don’t have any time to chat, Cass,” she calls over her shoulder. “We really need to go–check the borders. You know how it is.”

Baze grunts in agreement, hoisting himself up on his tauntaun. Jyn pushes Bodhi toward his animal before making her way to her own. Cassian stops her before she can. “Jyn, wait. Please tell me you aren’t doing something stupid.”

“When have I ever done something stupid?”

He opens his mouth to respond, but she cuts him off, already knowing his answer. “Don’t answer that. We’ll be fine, Cassian. Don’t worry.”

His mouth evens out into a tight line. “I always worry,” he mutters, letting her go. She mounts her tauntaun with ease. “Please be careful.”

“I’m always careful,” she tells him cheekily, digging her heels into the side of the tauntaun. It rears up, then starts forward, with Baze at her side and Bodhi trailing behind them. She winks and calls behind her, “See you in a couple hours!”

 

“Cassian is going to kill us,” Jyn groans, leaning her head back against the icy wall and closing her eyes. The cold seeps up through the floor and through her thick layers, but she can’t find the energy to stand.

“Cassian is going to kill you, little sister,” Baze mumbles from somewhere to her left. “Maybe Bodhi, too. But if we don’t die out here, Chirrut is going to kill me.”

“Nobody’s dying out here,” Bodhi says quickly. Jyn cracks open an eye to see how he’s hovering over the two of them. “The tauntauns–had all of out medical supplies. And they ran in the–the attack. But. . .” he wrings his hands. “Um, we’re fine. I’m just gotta. . .”

“Don’t you dare comm Cassian,” she snaps, trying to lean forward to snatch the device out of his hand, but the movement shoots agony through her side. “Fuck– _fuck._ Don’t–”

“I don’t want you bleeding out in some cave!” he retorts, worry flashing in his eyes. “Your side–is it. . .?”

“It’s fine,” she grunts, shifting slightly. The bleeding had stopped a couple of minutes ago, but the wampa had also cracked a couple of her ribs in its attack. “I’m fine, Bodhi.”

“I’m fine too, if anyone’s wondering,” Baze says, trying to stand, but his movements are shaky. Jyn remembers the way the wampa had knocked Baze backward, cracking his head against the wall.

“I’m pretty sure you–you have a concussion,” Bodhi says, leveling him with a stare that sends him back to the ground. “I’ll calling Cassian. We need an medical evac.”

As Bodhi busies himself with the comm, Jyn turns to Baze. “So does this mean that Bodhi won the bet?”

Baze shakes his head. “Bodhi was never apart of the bet. It’s still on.”

“Good.”

“No, I, uh, I’m pretty sure I won,” Bodhi says. “I was the first one to kill a wampa so—I won the bet.”

“Dumb luck,” Baze grunts.

“I shot it!”

“You emptied your entire clip into its head,” Jyn informs him with a raised eyebrow. “There was no way you could have missed, so I agree with Baze.”

Bodhi rolls his eyes, turning away from them and fiddling with the device in his hands. “You two are just jealous that I–Cassian!”

The voice on the comm fades in and out before Cassian's voice comes out clearly, asking, _“Bodhi? What’s wrong?”_

“Um, we need a medical evac. Jyn and Baze–”

“We’re fine, Cassian,” she cuts in, struggling to get over to where Bodhi is sitting, but she’s not able to keep the strain out of her voice. “Don’t worry about us.”

_“Jyn? What happened?”_

“We’re just. . .” she falters, glances around. “Um. Taking a quick break.”

“The bet was to see who could kill a wampa first,” Bodhi says loudly, speaking over her. “So–they both charged it as soon as they found one.”

“We did not _charge_ it,” Jyn hisses.

“You charged it,” Baze tells her. “I only followed.”

“Don’t try–”

 _“Oh Dios mío,”_ Cassian mutters. _“I’m on my way–send me your coordinates. And don’t let them move.”_

“I’ll do my best,” Bodhi promises, shooting a look at the two of them. “See you soon, Cassian.”

They’re silent for a few moments, the only sound is the wind whistling outside of the cave before Jyn announces, “Well. We’re fucked.”

 

“Bodhi? Are you there?”

Bodhi shoots to his feet at the sound of Cassian’s voice. “Yeah-yeah we’re all here.”

Cassian ducks into the cave with a medical team at his back. At the sight of the two of them propped up against the wall, he rushes to her side. “Are you okay?’

“I’m fine,” she says as he cups her face, searching her eyes for any pain. “Just a little–banged up.”

He leans forward to rest his forehead against hers, closing his eyes. The fur of his parka hood brushes against her skin. “I’m glad you’re okay,” he murmurs. “But I did ask you to be careful.”

“I _was_ careful,” she stresses, as a medic comes forward to inspect her wound. Cassian takes a step back from her to make room. Baze snorts from beside her, clearly disagreeing, so she shoots him a dirty look before wincing at the pain in her side. _“Kriffing hell–”_

“You hopped off your tauntaun without a weapon and charged the wampa,” Bodhi snaps. “That’s being careful?”

Jyn widens her eyes, her jaw dropping in shock. Bodhi blinks, then backtracks. “I–”

“No, you’re right, Bodhi,” Cassian says, looking down at where she’s sitting. There’s a crease between his eyebrows that she wants to rub away with his thumb. “Neither of them were careful.”

She sighs heavily, hitting her head against the wall. The medic stands at her side. “Sergeant Erso is stable enough to be moved, sir.”

Cassian nods. “Thank you.”

With that, he bends down to sweep her into his arms bridal style. Jyn winces at the pain in her side, squeaking in surprise. “Cassian, I can walk!”

“You lost your walking privileges when you charged a wampa,” he mutters, curling her tighter to his chest as he carries her outside of the cave. “You can’t be making stupid bets like this, Jyn.”

“The bet isn’t stupid–”

“Yes, it is.”

There's a few moments of tense silences before she breaks it. “Okay, fine, maybe it is a little stupid,” she agrees reluctantly. “I–I’m sorry I worried you.”

“Just don’t do it again,” he tells her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “No more bets.”

"Fine," she agrees sullenly, the pain in her side draining her of her energy to argue. "No more bets." 

_(she assumes that friendly competitions are fine, though.)_

"I'm glad you're safe," he murmurs, as she slides in and out of consciousness. "Even if you are a reckless and stubborn kriffing  _moofmilker."_  

"Thanks, Cass," she yawns as they enter the shuttle. "Appreciate it." 


	7. spice tracks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning for discussion of past drug addiction/overdose as well as past suicidal thoughts
> 
> also, i wanted to let y'all know that i'm always available for prompts, whether on here or on tumblr! i've been spending a lot of my time rping, so i haven't been writing much fic, but that doesn't mean i've stopped taking prompts entirely

“What are these?” he asks softly, running his thumb over the marks in the crook of her elbow as if he genuinely has no idea what her scars are from.

Jyn knows better, knows that he knows exactly what they are, and tugs her arm out of his grip. “They’re nothing. Old scars.”

He hums in disagreement, running his hands over her bare arms. They’re curled up together in bed, letting the cold of Hoth cool the sweat on their naked skin. It’s not the first time that they’ve done it––nor will it be the last––but the lighting in the room is too bright to hide anything, good or bad. “I think that they’re more than that.”

She bites her lip, ducking her gaze. From the place where her head rests on his arm, he can see every emotion that flickers over her face. “Hey, hey,” he murmurs, reaching to tug her chin up so she’ll look at him. “Jyn.” At that, she meets his gaze, struggling to keep her eyes from flickering away from his. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. I was just curious.”

“It happened a long time ago,” she shrugs, tucking her chin as soon as Cassian releases his grip. “Right after Saw abandoned me.”

She had been in a dark place for a couple months after the mission on Tamsye Prime, falling in with criminals and dealers and murderers. After feeling alone and as if she had no one left, she had clambered at the opportunity those low-lifes had presented her with to survive.

She’s so lost in her own memories that when Cassian speaks, it surprises her. “We’ve all got marks, Jyn,” he murmurs, deep in his chest. She can feel the vibrations underneath her head. “They're nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Aren’t they?”

His thumb resumes its path across the marks on her skin, but this time, she doesn’t move away. “No, of course not.”

She thinks they are, that they’re a sign of weakness, but his easy confidence is slowly but surely changing her resolve. “I almost died,” she admitted, reaching over to twine her fingers with his. “A woman––a _stranger_ ––she saved me and didn’t ask for anything in return.” That in itself is a concept she could barely wrap her head around.

“There are good people in this world,” he murmurs, and she knows that he doesn’t include the two of them in his statement. She finds no issue in that; it’s absolutely true.

“I suppose.”

He pulls her closer, cradling her in his arms. In anyone else’s grip she would have felt trapped, like a bird in a cage, but his embrace is comforting. She feels safe. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad she helped you.”

_(she hears the implication in his words. “i’m glad she saved you even if you aren’t.”)_

“I am too,” she said softly. “At the time, I wasn’t, but––I am now.” It’s true. Meeting Cassian, joining the Rebellion, finding a family in her friends: all of that has completely changed her perspective of life. She’s no longer the scared little girl who had been left in a bunker. Not anymore.

He presses a kiss to her forehead, and they spend the next few minutes in silence, listening to the sounds of each other breathing.

They’re alive.


	8. "can i help you? why are you staring at me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for captainandors on tumblr, who asked for: “Um, can I help you? Why are you staring at me?"

“Hey laserbrains, can I help you?” Jyn calls out across the hangar bay, targeting the group of recruits who haven’t been hiding their looks in her direction. There’s nothing in her tone, however, that suggests she actually wants to  She doesn’t care what they’re doing, just wants them to leave her alone. “Stop kriffing _staring_ at me and get back to work!”

The kids––they can’t be any older than eighteen or nineteen, so they’re fucking kids––freeze where they’re standing and open their mouths as if to respond to her very pointed “fuck off,” but think better of it and scurry off to––something. She doesn’t know and doesn’t care, either. 

As she leans back against the side of Bodhi’s ship, feet dangling out from the opening at the cargo bay and mutters a curse under her breath, she hears a huff of a laugh from above her. 

“What?” she grouches crossly, glaring up as Cassian sits down next to her, maneuvering himself and his bad leg with some difficulty at her side. He bumps into her shoulder with his own, grinning. “They’ve been looking at us for _ages._ ”

“You’re Jyn Erso,” he says with a laugh. “Maybe they were just trying to get a good look at what a hero looks like.” 

“I’m not a hero,” she snaps, but her anger toward the word isn’t directed toward him. A hero isn’t someone who got an entire squadron of men killed. A hero isn’t someone who used to be a criminal, or someone who’s killed people––good and bad, or someone who’s as selfish as she’d been (and perhaps still is). 

Cassian, ever the diplomat, replies smoothly, “Maybe they just think you’re pretty, then.” 

At that, Jyn snorts, unable to hide it. As if anyone would consider _her_ to be pretty. And she’s sure that Cassian is joking too, until she looks up at his face and realizes that his suggestion was completely serious. 

“What?” he asks. “Is that really so hard to believe?” 

“They wouldn’t be staring at me because they think I’m pretty, Cass,” she shoots back instead, ignoring the way this conversations is making her cheeks hot and her neck flushed. She fidgets with the blaster in her lap. “They’re just kriffing recruits who don’t know what’s good for them.” 

“I’d stare at you because I think you’re pretty.” 

Jyn blinks, once, twice, then turns to him, completely dumbfounded. 

He continues. “But perhaps pretty isn’t the right word. You, Jyn Erso, are stunning. Easily the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.”

Never able to let a tender and affectionate moment stay that way, she adds dryly, “And you, Cassian Andor, are only saying that so I’ll fuck you tonight.” 

That surprises a laugh out of him, which makes her smile. These little moments where she can shake him out of his spy mask are some of her favorites. “You would do that regardless of what I said.” 

“Mhmm,” she agrees, because he’s right and they both know it. Cassian Andor is a damn good lay, but she doesn’t sleep with him only for that reason. 

_(in fact, she thinks she might be falling in love with him.)_

They’re silent for a moment, enjoying each other’s company, before he says softly, “I mean it, you know. I think you’re beautiful.” 

She shakes her head, disagreeing with him, but he reaches over to cup her jaw so she’ll look him in the eye. “You are,” he says firmly. “You don’t have to believe me, but it’s true.” 

“All right,” she whispers hoarsely. “But only if you let me tell you what I think of you.” 

He pauses, searching her eyes for––for _something,_ then nods.

“I think you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever laid my eyes on,” she murmurs, leaning forward so her lips are nearly touching his. “You don’t have to believe me, but it’s true.” Never in her life has she believed something more than she does what she’s saying now.

He shakes his head, his face a mirror image of what she suspects her’s looked like two seconds ago, so she closes the gap between them, presses her lips to his, and hopes that she can convey her love for him through her actions. He must have the same thought, because he kisses her back with an almost desperate fervor. 

_(it’s that kiss that tells her that cassian andor might be falling in love with her, too.)_


	9. "can i at least take my shoes off before you pounce on me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from an anon on tumblr: "Hi! Could you do 14 or 20 for rebelcaptain from the prompt list please?"
> 
> 14\. “Can I at least take my shoes off before you pounce on me?”  
> 20\. “I’m going to be late because you can’t keep it in your pants.”

As soon as Cassian steps through the door, he has two seconds of peace before Jyn hops off their bed and flings herself into his arms. He staggers backwards, just barely able to catch her before she goes falling to the floor. 

“Can I at least take my shoes off before you pounce on me?” He chuckles, as if he minds, and wraps his arms around her waist. She’s thinner than he remembers, light and easier to hold up, and he can feel her bones through his skin. He frowns, holding her tighter to his chest, as if that will fix all of the wrongs that happened while he’d been away. 

“I missed you,” she murmurs against the skin of his neck. “I would have waited in the hangar, but Solo wanted a partner to go scouting with.” 

They have this thing, the two of them. If the other isn’t waiting for them immediately when they get back and they’re both on base, they have to seek each other out before they go do anything. It’s one thing to hear that the other was uninjured from someone else or to read it in a report, another to see for themselves that they’re okay. 

He’s not above bending the rules if it means he can briefly see her before he’s off doing Force knows what for the Rebellion again.

“I missed you too, Jyn.” 

“Are you hurt?” she asks, leaning back so she can look him in the eye. At this angle, she’s slightly taller than him, which is a change from how they normally operate. “Your shuttle crashed, and even though they said you were fine, I––” 

“Shh,” he soothes, rubbing his hands up and down her back to try and calm her panic. They’ve done this so many times before that its almost become routine. “I’m fine. Just a couple of bruises. See? I’m here, I’m in one piece.” 

“You’re here,” she whispers, her voice slightly choked, and leans forward to tuck her face against his neck. “You’re here. You’re safe.” 

“I’m here, Jyn.” 

He keeps repeating this mantra until she calms significantly, and shifts in his arms. “You were gone a long time.” 

“Two weeks is too long,” he agrees diplomatically, wishing that he had more choice in what missions he took. 

Already, he can feel Jyn’s hands slipping down the back of his jacket and onto his bare skin. He shivers from her touch––it had been a long two weeks without her. Regrettably, however, he’s already late for a meeting with Draven that had been scheduled for as soon as he landed. 

Gently, he loosens his hold and extricates himself from her hold. “I’m going to be late because you can’t keep it in your pants,” he teases, tone tinged with mock-seriousness as if he doesn’t feel the same desire for her right now.

“Fuck Draven,” she says so bluntly that he can’t help but laugh. 

“If I did that, then I would be cheating on you,” he replies, tilting his head downward to look at her with a mischievous look in his eyes. “And I’m going to have to pass.”

She swats at him gently, groaning. “You know what I meant, Cass,” she whines. “Can’t you stay here for a little longer?”

“Unlike you,” he says, already stepping toward the door and pressing the button to slide it open, “I usually try to follow the rules.” Of course, he had been better about that _before_ he had met her.

“Be back soon,” she says, darting forward to wrap him up in a hug before he leaves. “I’m glad you’re okay and back home.” 

“Yeah,” he echoes, a smile pulling at his mouth. He leans down, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Me too.” 


	10. "it wasn't meant to be this way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cats-and-metersticks on tumblr asked "If you're taking rebelcaptain prompts: e + 6 from the list?? You're awesome <3"
> 
> “It wasn’t meant to be this way.” & “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Cassian catches her when she’s pulling her shirt over her head, rolling over in bed and reaching for her, only to push himself up on his elbows in confusion when he finds just blankets at his side. 

“Jyn?”

His voice is scratchy from sleep, and Jyn freezes as soon as she hears it. It’s cold as fuck on Hoth, so she pauses only for a second and considers climbing back into bed with him before tugging on her boots and darting for the door. 

“Is everything all right?” he asks again, this time sounding more awake. In the dim lighting of their room, she watches as he runs his hand over his eyes and sits up straighter. She also watches as she sees the realization come over his face, slowly, then all at once. “You’re leaving.”

It isn’t a question, and it makes her take a step back, her movements sudden and quick like a wounded animal. “Cassian––”

“No, it’s fine,” he cuts her off, pulling the sheets tight against his naked body. There’s a grimace on his face that she thinks is supposed to be a smile; for all the spy training he’s recieved, he’s never been good at hiding himself from her. He’s putting his walls back up, cutting himself off from her both mentally and physically. Her stomach lurches, and she wants to go back to him, but this is for the best. This is what she needs to do. “Just go, Jyn. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

_(at least, that’s what she keeps telling herself.)_

For some reason, his words make her linger at the door, even know she knows she can’t stay. It’ll be better in the long run if she leaves first, because at least she’s the one in control, she’s the one who gets to leave instead of being left, she doesn’t have to be abandoned anymore, not if she does this for the rest of her kriffing life––

“Are you leaving or not?”

His voice cuts through her thoughts, and her breath catches in her throat at his harsh tone. He’s not trying to be cruel, she knows, but they’re both vulnerable right now and are using every took in their arsenal to protect themselves. It’s just what people like them know how to do––it’s _only_ what people like them know how to do.

“It wasn’t meant to be this way,” she whispers, voice hoarse, reaching up for her crystal for strength. “This whole thing, it’s not supposed to happen like this––”

“It doesn’t have to,” he pleads, seeking a chance to get her to stay and latching onto it with all he’s worth. He’s hopeful, now, and that makes this all so much worse. “Come back to bed, Jyn. It doesn’t have to be this way.” 

“No––” she chokes, then swallows and tries again. “No, it does. I can’t stop thinking about you, Cass, and I just––this has gotten too––too _real,_ and I don’t know what to do.”

_(she thinks she’s growing––attatched.)_

That gets him standing, reaching out for her only to drop his hand when she shys away. “We can figure it out together,” he whispers. “Me and you. We’ll figure this out. Please, Jyn, just––”

“I’m sorry, Cassian,” she says as she opens the door before she can regret it, adding before she bolts, “I can’t. _I can’t._ ”

And at this time of night, there’s no one in the hallway to comment on the tears welling up in her eyes.


	11. the wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @sorcie77 asked for: Hi! Could you write a little something about Jyn and Cassian's wedding? I have a head cannon where they've got it all planned and then Jyn goes to walk down the isle by herself and freezes realizing shes alone with no father figure to walk her. Cassian sees this in her eyes...what does he do?

For a half-assed rebel wedding, Cassian musses, Leia did a pretty good job of slapping _something_ together that sort of resembled Festian customs. 

The ceremony is taking place in a cleared out meeting room, with all of the tables and chairs pushed to the sides of the room so they could stand at the front. It’s still cold as fuck here on Hoth, so they hadn’t bothered with formalwear because it would only be covered by her clothes, though it isn’t like Jyn would wear a dress anyway. 

He stands at the front with sweaty palms despite the freezing temperature, Han standing next to him as the captain marrying them (done with minimal complaints only out of respect for Jyn and threats from Leia). Kaytoo looms over him from behind, having been chosen as his best man. Bodhi’s on the other side as Jyn’s best man, because it hadn’t been, quote, “fair that Cassian got to have one when she didn’t.” In response to that, he’d chosen Leia as his maid of honor while Shara stood as hers next to Bodhi. 

Their other friends are here too: Baze and Chirrut, Luke, Kes, and Wedge. Even Poe––though he’s asleep in his mother’s arms right now, and if Shara has to step out briefly to feed or take care of the baby, then Kes will take her place as Jyn’s maid of honor.

It’s chaotic and informal and casual as hell, and Cassian wouldn’t have it any other way. 

When Jyn enters the door and pauses at the beginning of the makeshift aisle, his heart stops. She looks beautiful, especially dressed how she is––sweaty from training with a fresh bruise blossoming high on her cheekbone, and his breath catches in his throat at the sight of her. Stars, he _loves_ her. He loves her so kriffing much. 

And then something flashes in her eyes. Pain. He blinks, unsure as to what’s going on, because she’s supposed to walk now, but she’s frozen, standing stock still with her back ramrod straight and panic written all over her features. 

Does she not want to marry him? She’d responded enthusiastically enough to his proposal where he hadn’t sensed any doubts, but now that she’s not coming toward him and looking a lot like she wants to run, Cassian isn’t sure what’s going––

Oh. Kriffing hell, he knows what’s going on.

The night after he had asked her, he’d told her a bit about Festian weddings. He’d mentioned briefly, unthinkingly, about how the groom would stand at the front and wait for the bride, who would be walked down by her father––a father that Jyn doesn’t have, as both Saw and Galen are dead.

He shouldn’t have said something like that, he knows, but he had gotten so wrapped up in what a traditional Festian wedding would look like where he hadn’t even registered the comment and how it might hurt her. He hadn’t seen how she’d closed her eyes and how her jaw had clenched in panic, because he had only been speaking hypothetically. 

Jyn, of course, always wants to make everything perfect for him. Now, she must be thinking that without her father walking her down the aisle, she’s ruined their wedding––which is as far away from the truth as she can get. 

He starts forward, wanting to reach for her and walk with her himself––a stupid custom he’d mentioned offhandedly isn’t supposed to cause her pain, especially not on what’s supposed to be the happiest day of their life––but two people beat him to it.

“Come on, little sister,” Baze says gruffly, standing on her side and linking his arm through hers. “The Captain is waiting for you.” 

“And I’d appreciate the help,” Chirrut tells her cheerfully, looping his arm through her other one and tugging her forward, “because Baze won’t tell me where the front of the room is.” 

“You know exactly where it is,” Baze mutters, but there’s a certain fondness in his voice that tells him exactly what the older man thinks of his husband.

With that, the two men lead Jyn down the aisle, stepping in for (not replacing) her father. When she reaches the alter, he takes her hands gently, smiling down at her. “Hey.” 

“Hey, Cass,” she murmurs back with a watery smile, the earlier panic in her eyes replaced with adoration. “ _Te amo._ ”

“ _Te amo_ , Jyn. I––” 

“Shut up,” Han cuts in, poking Cassian in the side with an irratated look flashing on his face. Leia rolls her eyes at his theatrics. “You aren’t supposed to tell her that ‘til after I’m done speakin’. So if you’re done bein’ mushy––”

“It’s romantic,” Leia interjects, “though not like you’d understand that, hotshot.”

“Anyway,” he stresses, making sure his voice is louder than Leia’s, “can I get started or not? I’ve got a couple t’marry.”

Han starts speaking, saying something or the other, but Cassian only has eyes for Jyn. He squeezes her hands gently, and when she looks up and into his eyes, he melts.

Kriff. He loves her.


	12. grey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Cassian are captured by the Empire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: written from jyn's point of view, but she's very fuzzy and nonsensical from the torture + the concussion sustained. there are mentions of torture here, and it's not supposed to make much sense.

grey // grey // gre ?????? y grey . .. . gre y

gr e y

It’s all grey.

Four grey walls closing her in, no window, small door no window no bars no sunlight dark dark dark and grey

little light at the top of the room that flickersssss. . .and then turns off. Dark again no grey dark dakr dark dark dakr no grey

Ten toes ten fingers. She can wiggle all of them can wiggle somethings that she assumes are her limbs. Ribs hurt head???? Not working right it’s fuzzy and grey like the walls four walls no window small door concrete floor dirt and blood and dirt under her nails cracked and chipped nails but they’re always cracked and chipped so that’s all right she thinks

When’s the last time she moved? Can she even move anymore? hurts to move so she doesn’t, just lies in the corner there and counts the corners four on the floor and four on the wall and that equals eight though she can’t count that high right now but that’s okay so long as she stays conscious

doesn’t really want to die ‘cause cass is still here and she’s gotta save him but it’s so grey and always grey that her head hurts and she knows that if when her head hurts she’s gotta

gotta

gotta stay awake FUCK her eyes open and close and open and–––

Close……

eyes closed dark like when the light is out no more grey just dark

door opens she hears it creak and braces herself for rough hands and punches and kicks and electricity sometimes and the metal of a droid’s footsteps but then

“Jyn? _Jyn,_ kriff––hey, hey, you gotta keep your eyes open, ‘kay? _Fuck,_ okay, come on, gotta get up. Can’t help you much, can’t carry you, so you gotta walk, okay?”

the ground spins spinning round and round and her legs hurt why do her legs hurt? they hadn’t hurt her legs, mostly just her head and her arms and needles and electricity

She vomits on the ground.

“Shh, shh, that’s all right, Jyn. You’ll be all right. We got a shuttle out of here, you know that? There’s a whole team of people watching our backs right now to make sure that we can get out of here. We got to get moving, okay? Can you walk? Here, lean on me a little, not too hard––not on the ribs, _carajo_ ––there you go, Jyn. There you go.”

Words don’t sound like words anymore and the hallway is bright too bright more yellow? white? she misses the grey the grey was comforting and she doesn’t like this change cause the only time she saw this color was when they were going to hurt her and she doesn’t want to get hurt anymore

she wants her ma. she wants cassian.

“Ca––ss? Cass’n?”

“Yes, it’s me, Jyn. They got me out first because they couldn’t find you, but I knew where you were. I’ll always come back for you, shh––no, don’t panic, Jyn. It’s just me.”

 _brightbrightbrightbrightbrightbright_ her head hurts???? her feet don’t work anymore she’s so tired can’t she sleep? won’t the light flicker off so she can sleep she’s tired ple a se they always let her sleep

please

_“Por favor mi amor. Va a estar bien. Shh. Estarás bien. Estoy aqui contigo. Estoy aquí.”_

Calm. pause. Feet moving again, focusing on the words as they flow over her, gentle calm nice letting them lead her into the ship and down onto the ground because she’s tired and he doesn’t even fight her, just lets her lay in his lap like she likes

“Cass?”

“I’m here,” he murmurs, pressing his lips to the crown of her head, just over the spot where a rifle had cracked into her forehead and blood had leaked down her face. “I’m here, Jyn. Always.”


	13. “somebody’s cranky.” “somebody needs to shut up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for [cats-and-metersticks](https://cats-and-metersticks.tumblr.com) on tumblr, who asked "omg I got *unreasonably* excited when I saw you were doing these and this sarcasm prompt list is GOLD! Can I please request rebelcaptain #24?"
> 
> 24\. “Somebody’s cranky.” “Somebody needs to shut up.”

Cassian slips into their apartment quietly, careful not to make any noise as he shuts the door softly behind him. If he’s lucky, Jyn was getting some much needed rest right now, and he doesn’t want to risk her ire by waking her up.  

“Cass?” 

Her voice floats out from their bedroom, and he sincerely hopes that it hadn’t been his entrance that had woken her up _. Mierda._

“It’s me, Jyn,” he calls back quietly, pulling off his boots and placing his coat onto the rack haphazardly. It isn’t how he likes it –– it looks more like how Jyn chooses to hang up her clothes, messy and disorganized to everyone except her –– but he has more important things to do than make sure his coat is just how he likes it.

Namely, his sick girlfriend who hasn’t been able to keep anything down all day. 

At her insistence, he had gone into work, but now he’s really regretting that. She doesn’t sound good, and there’s no chance in hell that she would have left him alone in a state like this. 

But Jyn’s always been stubborn, and fuck if he can’t help but do anything she asks him to do. _Dios_ , he’s weak for her.

_(he doesn’t mind, not much. there are worse things to be.)_

In a few steps, he traverses the length of their small apartment and peeks his head into the darkened room. He can barely make out anything except for a small lump in the middle of their bed, so he reaches for the light switch but pauses before he turns it on. “Hey, can I turn on the light?” 

“You can if…if you want to _die_.” 

He winces at the sound of her voice. It’s scratchy and weak, but she’s still able to make her words sound threatening despite the sickness currently inhabiting her body. Despite his worry, he knows that if he brings up his worries, she’ll get out of bed just to prove she’s okay. And that’s the _last_ thing he wants.

_(the last time she had been this sick, she had insisted she could cook dinner for the two of them, since she had been sitting at home all day doing nothing. needless to say, the combination of her mediocre cooking skills and her illness had caused her to nearly burn down the apartment.)_

He moves to sit on the edge of the bed, reaching for her gently. When she doesn’t flinch away from his touch, he begins to rub gentle circles on her back in an attempt to relieve some of the discomfort. A small smile tugs at his lips, despite everything. “Someone’s cranky.” 

“Someone needs…t’shut up,” she snaps back, moving away from him and inching up toward the top of the bed. She tugs the blanket up over her head so he can no longer see her face.

He sighs, following her with his body but keeps his hands to himself. “I’m sorry, Jyn. I know it’s hard, _cariño._ I know,” he murmurs softly, desperately wanting to do  _something_ for her. “Can I touch you?” 

She grunts once. Cassian, not knowing what the hell that means, closes his eyes and rubs a hand over his face. “Jyn…” 

“If you want, Cass. ‘m’not…not at my best and I –– ” she coughs, effectively cutting off the rest off her sentence, and that’s all the confirmation he needs to lay down next to her and curl his body around hers. Immediately, she fits herself  up against his chest, fitting into him like a missing piece of a puzzle.

His heart aches.

“Oh, _estrella,_ ” he says, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, her hair greasy and lanky. “I’m sorry you’re feeling like this.” 

“’m’fine,” she mutters into his collarbone, shifting into what he hopes is a more comfortable position for her. Her next words come hesitantly, as if he’s going to disagree with what she’s saying. “I…it’s better with you here.”

“Then I’ll stay,” he responds immediately, tightening his arms around her.

“You don’t have to –– ‘m’sure you have work…to do and ‘m’fine here by myself so only if…if you want to –– “

She’s rambling, like she always does when she asks him to stay and thinks that he won’t, not wanting to push too much in case that’ll change his mind, but he doesn’t mind, not anymore. They both have demons, and this is just one of Jyn’s. He’ll do anything to calm her mind. “I want to stay,” he says, making it seem like it’s more of what he wants. Of course, it _is_ what he wants, but this is for Jyn, right now. “Jyn. I’m staying, for as long as you want me.”

“Good,” she mumbles, her nose pushing at the skin of his neck. In the darkness, he sees her eyes close. “ _Te…amo._ ”

“ _Te amo mucho,_ ” the words are said with a smile, despite her not being able to see it. “Always, Jyn. Always.”


	14. "they're going to love you, don't worry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for [jynersew](https://jynersew.tumblr.com) on tumblr, who asked "ugh, there's so many good ones on that list but .... how about #62 or #72 for the prompts, for rebelcaptain?"
> 
> 72\. “They’re going to love you, don’t worry.”

Cassian stops. Stares. Then blinks, once his eyes start to feel dry and stares some more. It’s so rare that he ever gets caught off guard like this that he barely knows how to react. It’s all he can do to stop his jaw from falling open at the sight of her. 

“Jyn, what –– ?” 

There’s a baby on her lap. A _kriffing_ child. He wipes a hand across his jaw, blinking once again. Is he hallucinating? Is he concussed from some head injury that he doesn’t remember getting? The sight of her now, gently bouncing the toddler on her knee and looking up at him, is so _foreign_ but also so –– it makes his heart swell and his throat close up because it’s so _natural_ ––

They’d had a conversation about children not long ago. Neither of them were ready, not yet, anyway; they’d both agreed on that. If they were going to start a family one day, it would be long after the war. 

Jyn had told him that she didn’t want to be pregnant and he’s fine with that. He’s always wanted kids, despite his own misgivings about being a father, but he would never push her into doing things she doesn’t want to do. But then she had mentioned thinking about adoption. So many children would be without parents once the war finishes, and the two of them were orphans themselves. She wants to help them, she’d told him, in any way she could, and he, with a smile on his face and tears in his eyes, whole-heartedly agreed. 

He just didn’t think it would be so _soon._

“I didn’t mean to surprise you or anything, just wanted you to meet him. He’s not –– not _ours,_ I wouldn’t do that without asking you, I swear. I offered to watch him for a couple hours while the Council works out the details of where he’s going, I couldn’t resist, you know I love kids. . .”

She’s rambling, as she does when she’s nervous, but Cassian can barely focus on anything except the baby in her lap. His back and leg be damned; as soon as she’s done speaking, he drops to his knees in front of her so he can be at eye-level with the baby. “What’s his name?”

“Matías,” she says softly, and he recognizes the name immediately, sucking in a quick breath and looking up at her with wide eyes for confirmation. “He’s from Fest. I thought you’d like to meet him.” 

“I. . Jyn––” he’s struck speechless, raising a hand to the child only to pull away as the boy reaches for him. He shakes his head instead, suddenly emotional, blinking away the wetness in his eyes. “ _Hola, hombrecito. Cómo estás?_ ”

“Do you want to hold him?” she asks softly, looking down at him with wide and gentle eyes, checking to make sure that this isn’t too much, that he isn’t too overwhelmed. He’s not, but if he had been, he has no doubt that she would take the child away and they wouldn’t speak off it, not unless he wanted to. “You can hold him, if you want.”

His hand hovers uncertainly once again. Matías is so small, so tiny, so fragile and breakable. His hands weren’t made for this; they were made for war. They’re scarred and calloused and bruised and sometimes bloody. How is he supposed to hold a child with hands like these?

But kriff, he wants to. He wants to hold the kid, just for a little, pace around the room and bounce him on his hip, singing old songs in Festian that his mamá used to sing to him. 

“I can’t, Jyn.” 

“Why not?” she tilts her head to the side, examining him. “You would be so good with him, Cassian.” 

“I’m not. . .I can’t. . .he’s so _small_. I don’t want to hurt him. I’m a soldier, a spy, I can’t be a _father_ too, not with everything I’ve done, and this. . .I don’t. . .” 

He wants to be a father, but his mind fills with doubts. This child is not his son, will never be his son, but if he can’t hold Matías, then how would he hold _his_ kid?

He’s not made for this life. The family life. He doesn’t deserve it.

“You’re going to be a great father, Cassian Andor,” Jyn says firmly, cutting into his reverie. “It’s not going to be now or tomorrow or next week. It’ll be once we’re ready. If that never happens, it doesn’t. But I know, deep in my heart, that if you _want_ to be a father, you’ll be the best damn father in this whole kriffing galaxy. I have no doubts in my mind about that.” 

His eyes moisten. Bursts of emotion like that from her are so rare, and while his demons threaten to overtake his mind, the sheer confidence in her words beats them back. “Jyn. . .” 

She pushes on, not letting him interrupt her. “You’re kind, and thoughtful, and gentle –– stars, you’re so kriffing _gentle._ You’re going to be great, if this is what you want. Being a father.” She hugs Matías to her chest, and he makes a gurgling sound of contentment. “Please don’t worry about that.”

“Jyn, I. . .” he takes a moment, wipes his misty eyes with the back of his hand. With anyone else, he would be embarrassed to show this much emotion, but never with Jyn. He knows there’s no judgement with her. “If you’re sure. . .” 

“I’ve never been more sure.”

He smiles at that, then reaches his arms out. “Then I’d like to hold him.”

Jyn places Matías in his arms gently, oh so gently, and he cradles the boy to his chest, making sure the boy’s head in cradled in his palm and his tiny body is fully supported. The child doesn’t break, doesn’t cry out or turn away from him –– instead, Matías sighs contently and tucks his face into Cassian’s shoulder.

“ _Hola,_ Matías.”

When he looks back up at Jyn, she’s smiling at him. She reaches over to brush a stray piece of hair off of the kid’s forehead. “If we have kids of our own someday, they’re going to love you,” she whispers. “Don’t worry, Cass. They’re going to love you.” 

While he still has his doubts about his abilities to be a father, there’s a part of him that thinks that might be true, now. 


	15. the gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn presents Cassian with an unusual gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no prompt, just trying to get myself back in the swing of things with rebelcaptain!

“Here,” Jyn says abruptly, shoving a crudely wrapped item into his hands. “This is for you.” 

Never one for subtleties, his Jyn. Cassian makes his apologies to the lieutenant he’s been talking to and sends her on her way before turning to his partner. The object she’s given him is covered in a scarf (one of hers, he notes, the pretty grey one she’d worn to Jedha) and is surprisingly heavy. He can’t tell what she’s given him without unwrapping it, not with all the layers he’s wearing to keep away the chill of Hoth.

“Jyn,” he admonishes gently, unable to help the crinkle at the corners of his eyes when she glares up at him, not liking his words. “This couldn’t have waited?” 

“If you don’t want it, then you should have just said so,” she grouches, already reaching forward to snatch the present out of his hands, but he’s shaking his head and holding it out of reach. He doesn’t know what it is, but he wants whatever she has to give him. Jyn doesn’t do this often, so he can hardly find it in himself to be upset at her untimely interruption.

“I never said that,” he replies, raising the object up slightly to scrutinize it. “What is it?”

Jyn rolls her eyes in mock-impatience. Anyone else wouldn’t have been able to see the apprehension in her gaze, but he finds it almost immediately. What it is, it means something to her.

“You have to open it,” she says, breath puffing out in front of her from the chill. “It’s a gift. I found it for you.” 

Neither of them have much experience with gifts, so when he goes to open it, it’s with a reverence and softness he doesn’t often show. He pulls the scarf back carefully, knowing that she’ll want it back later, and sees ––

A _rock_. She’s given him a rock.

It’s rather pretty, with colors that shift in the light, and roughly the size of his palm. It’s slightly wet, which makes it colder, and there’s still a bit of dirt of it, which leads him to believe that Jyn had tried to wash it before giving it to him only to give up. That’s not a surprise; patience is not one of her virtues.

What is a surprise, what he _doesn’t_ understand, is _why_ she’s given this to him.

When he looks up, Jyn watches him intently, trying to gauge his response. He hopes whatever shows on his face through his mask doesn’t disappoint her. “It’s very. . .nice,” he says finally, smiling slightly. “Thank you.”

“You don’t like it,” she says flatly, a frown tugging at her lips. Immediately, she reaches over to snatch it from it yet again, then mutters, “I knew I shouldn’t have listened to Chirrut.” 

“Jyn, stop,” he tells her, and that manages to quiet her for a few seconds so he can get his words out. “I like it. I just don’t understand.” 

There’s a lot of things he doesn’t understand about her, even though he knows he knows more about her than anyone else in the damned galaxy. But as long as she’ll explain herself from time to time, that doesn’t bother him.

Jyn rocks back on her heels, looking away from him. When she speaks, it’s fast and muttered, and Cassian has to strain his ears to hear it. “Mama was a geologist. She used to give Papa rocks that she thought he’d like. I remember there being a whole bunch of them up over the fireplace.” 

Ah. Her explanation makes a lot more sense, and his heart swells. Any part of her past that she chooses to share with him will always be treasured, and he knows memories like this are especially hard to get out. The hand holding the rock curls closer to his chest, holding the gift protectively to him.

Force, he loves it. He loves _her._

He reaches out to place a hand on her shoulder. She looks up, startled at his touch, clearly not expecting it. “Thank you,” he repeats, putting every ounce of affection and gratitude in his voice. Red blooms on her cheeks that he doesn’t think can be attributed solely to the cold. 

“You can put it on your desk,” she mumbles, uncharacteristically shy. “On the back of it, up against the wall.” 

As Cassian steers her back to their quarters with his free hand pressed gently against the small of her back, he knows exactly what he’s going to bring back for her on his next mission. 

The prettiest damn rock he can find, even if he has to go out of his way to get it.


	16. “i thought you said you loved me!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is actually a prompt i received on my rp blog a while back! i wrote a v short drabble in response to it and then decided that since i love the pain of it, i wrote some more and added to it here :-)

“Jyn, _please_ –– “ Jyn watches as he reaches out to her, watches as his face falls when she turns away from him. “I thought you said you loved me! Why are you leaving?” 

She’d promised she wouldn’t run, just as he promised we wouldn’t leave her, but here she goes, breaking her promises and ruining everything she touches, everything she dares to love.

“I do!” she cries out, furiously wiping away the tears on her cheeks, broken nails very nearly ripping into her skin with how hard she does it, but it doesn’t matter, she doesn’t notice, because she has to leave him, she _has_ to. “ _Te amo,_ Cassian. I love you so much, but I can’t –– I have to go, I’m sorry –– “

The last mission had gone poorly, especially after Jyn had been recognized by someone from her past. It had ended with Cassian getting hurt, almost dangerously so, and Jyn coming to the decision that he would be safer without her. It’s her fault that he’s in the medbay, and her fault that he has a fucking blaster wound in his shoulder and a sprained ankle on the same leg he’d broken on Scarif.

He’d pushed her away, out of the line of fire and taken a shot meant for her. She should be the one in the medbay, not him. It’s her past, her problems, and yet he’d taken the fall for her. Next time, it could be worse. He could get shot and die and she can’t let him do that, can’t let the man she loves sacrifice himself for her. 

_This is all her kriffing fault._

“You don’t have to go,” he pleads, and oh, how that doesn’t break her heart even further. “I’m fine, Jyn. I swear –– they’re going to let me out later today, _please_!” 

He’s trying to leave the cot to prove his point, but when his bad foot touches the ground and he attempts to stand, he wobbles on his feet, a groan of pain leaving his lips even though he bites down on his lip to hide it. 

Jyn claps a hand over her mouth to hide a choked off sob, because this is her fault and she’s so worried about him and yet he’s trying to _comfort_ her. Karking hell, she doesn’t deserve this man and he’s going to get himself killed because of _her_ –– 

“Please sit down,” she begs, resisting the urge to go to him and push him gently back on the bed. “Please, Cass. You’re in pain. You’re –– ”

_You’re breaking my heart._

“Not until you promise you won’t leave,” he says, voice cracking. He takes another wobbling step forward, gripping the bedpost with his good hand to keep himself steady, but his knees look as if they’re going to give out if he stays upright for any longer.

“I _can’t._ ”

_“Why not?”_

It hurts, so fucking much, as she takes one step back from him, then another, because she knows he can’t get out of the bed without hurting himself. “You’re here because of me,” she hiccups, trying to get him to understand. “Don’t you get it? If –– I have to leave to keep you safe. I’m leaving because I love you, I’m sorry, I’m so kriffing _sorry_ , I –– “

“Jyn –– “

There’s a button on the side of his bed that’ll call a nurse or a droid if he needs it. She darts forward to press it, and Cassian, _shavit_  –– Cassian thinks she’s going to him but she’s not, she’s calling someone to help him back into bed before he ruins himself further.

The look of betrayal in his eyes once he realizes what she’s done breaks her. She has to look away when the nurse comes in to corral him down, and the fact that he doesn’t say anything else, doesn’t beg for her to stay any longer, shatters just about everything she has left inside of her.

And then she’s out the door before she can regret it, leaving him behind.

( _She already does._ )


	17. language learning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> modern au.
> 
> ruby-red-inky-blue asked: "Rebelcaptain + language course (I gotta study for my Latin exam so that's the only topic I can come up with *lol*)"

                                                                                                                                    **jyn:** how much jail time do u think i’ll get for murder

 **bodhi:** probably life 

 **bodhi:** you’re not exactly charismatic 

                                                                                                                                    **jyn:** oh fuck off

                                                                                                                                    **jyn:** im very charismatic 

 **bodhi:** whatever you say, jyn

 **bodhi:** so

 **bodhi:** are you gonna clarify? please?

                                                                                                                                    **jyn:** i want to kill the duolingo owl

 **bodhi:** thank god

 **bodhi:** i couldn’t tell if you were serious or not 

                                            **jyn:**  i AM serious 

 **bodhi:** spanish still giving you problems?

                                                                                                                                    **jyn:** clearly

                                                                                                                                     **jyn:** i don’t even know how to say anything USEFUL

 **bodhi:** why don’t you just ask cass

                                                                                                                                     **jyn:** that’s not the point

 **bodhi:** cmon jyn im sure he’ll be flattered you tried

                                                                                                                                     **jyn:** i’m not going to let a cartoon green owl beat   
                                                                                                                                         me, bods

                                                                                                                                     **jyn:** if i can survive prison, i can survive this 

Jyn throws her phone down onto the couch in a huff. Unsurprisingly, Bodhi had been unhelpful –– just like the rest of her friends had been when she’s complained to them. All of them point her in the direction of Cassian for help, but what they don’t seem to understand is that she’s doing this _for_ him. 

A foot pokes her in the thigh. “You okay?” 

She stops pouting to look up at Cassian’s incredibly warm and gentle face, which is now looking a tad concerned. He’s sitting on the other end of the couch, laptop balanced precariously on his lap as he finishes up a final paper. She had been laying on top of him earlier, but has been banished over here because she’s “too distracting” and that he “really needs to do this, and _then_ they can make-out.” 

( _”Making out is more important than work,” Jyn had whined, but moved nonetheless. Cassian just chuckled at her antics, already focusing back on his work._ )

After her exile, she’s taken the past half-hour to work on her Spanish. Downloading Duolingo to learn Cassian’s language to surprise him had seemed like such a good idea a couple weeks ago, but her constant failures have only led to frustration. Why does she need to know how to ask who’s eating the apple? All she wants to know is how to talk dirty! 

“I’m fine,” she sighs, rubbing at her eyes. “Just –– frustrated.” 

“You stuck on a level of Candy Crush?” Cassian teases, already reaching for her phone before she can stop him. “You’re not going to beat me, Jyn. I’m five levels –– “ 

He stops, presumably because he’s seen what’s on her phone. A funny look crosses his face, and she jumps in to explain, fearing his confusion to be angry, or mocking. 

“Cassian, I –– I can explain.”

“You’re learning –– Spanish?” 

“It isn’t –– “ she starts, then stops, cheeks heating up and face turning red. Kriffing hell, this is _embarrassing_. Finally, after a few beats of awkward silence where she struggles to come up with something to say, she mutters pathetically, “It was supposed to be a surprise.” 

“It is a surprise,” he says, cocking his head in thought, then hurries to add, “A _good_ one! A good surprise, Jyn. But…why?” 

That’s a harder question to answer out loud. She can _feel_ the answer, feels the warmness she experiences whenever he’s around her, the butterflies in her stomach when he tells her he loves her, and the immense adoration for him that she holds in her heart. She wants him to feel the same when he looks at her, wants to learn Spanish because it’s a part of his life and she wants to learn more about him. 

There are a million and one reasons why she’s doing this for him, but she can’t articulate any of them. 

_Well ––_

“I love you, and I wanted to learn it _because_ I love you, and I just –– “ she holds out her hands helplessly, pleading with her eyes. “I don’t know. You don’t speak Spanish that much anymore. I thought you might…miss it.” 

Cassian sets his laptop down on the table, focusing his attention solely on her. “So you’re learning for –– _me_?” He stumbles on the last word, almost as if he can’t believe it.

“Yeah,” she mutters, tucking her chin into her chest and crossing her arms, hiding herself so she doesn’t have to look at him. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Hey,” he reaches over, coaxing her face up with a hand caressing her cheek. “It _is_ a big deal. Jyn, this is –– the fact that you would do this for _me…”_ he shakes his head. “I _love_ you.” 

He leans in kiss her, but she stops him. “It’s ‘ _te amo_ ,’ actually,” she says, a cheeky smile working its way over her face. “I don’t know much, but –– “ 

Cutting her off effectively, he presses his lips to quiet her. She eagerly joins in, nipping at his bottom lip until he groans and pulls away, desire blowing his pupils wide.

“You know,” she says, conversationally, as if she can’t feel his hard length pressing up against her thigh. “One thing I don’t know is how to talk dirty. I don’t suppose you can teach me that?” 

His growl and the way he dives down to pepper kisses down her jawline are answer enough. 


	18. accidental touches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from anonymous on tumblr: "rebelcaptain + accidentally touching private areas"

Jyn is selective with her touch; Cassian had noticed this almost as soon as the Alliance had broken her out of Wobani. There are no accidental touches, or sitting too close to anyone in the mess. What he does see is the way she seems to hold herself apart from anyone who’s not a member of the Rogue One team, and, even then, she is not fully herself. 

He doesn’t know if she dislikes being touched. It’s a subject neither of them have ever brought up before, not with their burgeoning relationship still in its tentative stages. While she never seems uncomfortable when he cups her face to kiss her or gently squeezes her hand, he doesn’t want to push any boundaries he doesn’t know about. 

Despite not being the best with physical intimacy, Cassian finds himself craving her touches. Every time she chooses to bump her shoulder into his when they’re walking to a briefing together, or when she lets her hands linger when they’re wrapped around him in a hug, he thanks every deity that might be listening that she trusts him like this. 

He’s the happiest he’s been in a long time, and it doesn’t matter to him if they don’t get any farther than this. Being with Jyn is enough for him, in whatever capacity she’s willing to give. 

But sometimes he forgets himself. 

They’re making out when it happens, sitting on his bed with her perched in lap, legs wrapped around his waist. Her hands are around his neck, and he’s letting his roam the expanse of her back, relishing every small gasp and moan she releases into his mouth.

As far as he’s concerned, he’s died and gone to some heaven soldiers like him don’t deserve. With each second that Jyn continues to touch him, he finds himself falling more and more in love with her. 

That all changes when his thumb accidentally glances over the side of her breast, and she flinches away from him, eyes wide and wild. 

_¡Mierda!_

“Fuck, Jyn, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have –– “ he runs his hands through his hair, needing to do something with them so he doesn’t reach out to her. “Are you okay?” 

Her breath comes in short pants, and when she raises a hand to grip her kyber crystal, knuckles white, he’s afraid she’s going to start panicking and there’s going to be little that he can actually do about it. 

“Just breathe,” he soothes desperately, wishing he could hold her, wishing he could put his hand on her stomach to give her a measure to go against. “Deep breaths, Jyn. Breathe.” 

It’s a few seconds before she responses, lie gritted out through her teeth as she tries to convince both of them. “I’m fine.” 

When she tries to climb back onto his lap, presumably to continue their previous activities, he stops her with a gentle hand on her arm. She freezes, but doesn’t move away from him. 

“You’re not,” he tells her. “Jyn, you’re _shaking_.” 

“Sorry,” she mumbles, as if she has anything to kriffing apologize for. Her head turns, facing away from him so he can only barely just see the expressions that are crossing her face, and the emotional turmoil she’s currently experiencing. “I. . .sorry.” 

“What are you apologizing for?” he shakes his head. “It’s fine. _I’m_ sorry. I shouldn’t have done that without asking. I just want to know if you’re okay.” 

“I am,” she says, and at his disbelieving huff of breath, she turns her face (finally, finally!) and repeats, “I’m all right. I’m just –– not used to…that. The touching, like that.” 

That is something he understands, but he needs to know. “Was it –- bad?” 

“No, just. . .“ she shrugs, red tinting her cheeks. She looks uncomfortable, but no longer as distressed. “Unexpected. But not bad.” 

“Okay,” he exhales, letting his hand drop from her skin and down to his sides. “Okay. Just. . .can you tell me what’s no good?” 

“I don’t know.” At his look, she elaborates, “I’ve fucked people, but no one’s ever cared about me before, so I. . .It’s new.”

It’s taken a lot out of her to admit that, he knows, and he’s so kriffing proud of her when she reaches over and takes his hand in her own. She asks tentatively, as if he’ll say no, “Can we take it slow?”

“Of course, Jyn,” he says in an exhaled breath, and when she doesn’t look convinced, he repeats it, voice firm. “Of course, anything you need.” 

And when she leans forward and kisses him, he lets her take control of the situation. It doesn’t go much farther than the two of them making out, but when she lets him wrap an arm before they go to sleep, his heart almost leaps out of his chest with happiness.

Whatever she’s willing to give, it’s enough for him. It’s enough. 


	19. naps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for [literatiruinedme](literatiruinedme.tumblr.com) who asked: "Naps + either rebelcaptain or jynleia <3"

_As soon as they could._

That’s when the field medic said they’d make it to their location. As soon as they could.

But Cassian doesn’t think Jyn has that long, whatever that means. The area may be clear of ‘troopers, but that doesn’t mean she’s stopped bleeding. The firefight may be over, but her fight isn’t.

_(his isn’t, either. he’s fighting for hope, now.)_

Though he’s attempted to patch her up himself, she’s bleeding through the bacta patches he’s haphazardly placed onto her. There’s no more hyposprays left in his pack; he’d used the last one about ten minutes ago, when his pack had been screaming in pain and he hadn’t thought Jyn was injured. 

She’d said she was fine. Then she’d collapsed.

If she dies because of him, because he couldn’t bear the weight of his injuries from Scarif –– 

“’m’tired, C’ss’n,” Jyn mumbles, eyes closing, and if it weren’t for the blood staining her normally fair skin red, he wouldn’t be worried. “So…so tired…mmm…jus’ w’nna…” 

Her eyes begin to close, and his heart lurches in his chest, tears pricking his eyes. 

_No, no –– no nonononononono –– ! Not her, not her pleaseplease plea s e_

“You _have_ to stay with me, Jyn!” He nearly yells, Festian accent stronger than normal, anxiety getting the best of him. His hands press against the blaster wound in her “C’mon, keep those eyes open. There you go, there you go. You’re doing so good, Jyn. So, so good.” 

_(if she dies, he does too.)_

“C’ss’n?” her eyes are wide, fearful, looking at him with a sharp clarity that disappears after a second. She’s fading –– _fast_. “Cass…” 

“I’m here,” he says, reaching for her hand and gripping it tightly. She doesn’t hold it with the strength she normally does, but one weak squeeze nearly has him crying out with relief. “I’m here, Jyn. You just need to stay awake for a little longer, okay? You’re okay, I’m here.” 

The medic should be here by now. As soon as they could, they’d said. If he could bear to remove his hands from Jyn –– because what if she slips away while he’s not there, what if she has to die _alone_? –– he would find his commlink where ever he dropped it and yell obscenities until they came running. 

She tries to speak, but he can’t understand a word she’s saying, and he _hates_ that, because he’s the one person who always manages to know what she’s trying to convey when she struggles to express it out-loud. 

“Shh…I’m here, I’m here…”

And then –– then they’re there, kneeling at his side and tugging his hands away from Jyn’s prone form. When had she stopped talking? Why are they trying to separate the two of them? Where she goes, he goes.

Someone’s speaking to him, voice muffled in his blurry mind. “Captain Andor, you need to let go of her!” They urge, someone else pulling him back. He cries out, fighting against their hold, but it’s no use. His vision tunnels. “He’s panicking –– can someone –– ?” 

A prick, then darkness. 

 

 

When he wakes up, Jyn is staring at him from the bed next to his. Even though she’s covered in wires, pale and gaunt, with a needle in the crook of her elbow attached to a bag of blood that he’s surprised she hasn’t removed yet, she’s no longer bleeding out, no longer looks like death.

She’s the most beautiful thing he’s seen in a long time.

“What –– ?” he mumbles blearily, wiping away the crust in his eyes before he realizes the enormity of the situation. “Jyn –– kriffing hell, you’re _alive_!” 

In his haste to get to her, he nearly trips and falls out of his bed. “Someone’s eager,” she grins wryly, chuckling softly before wincing and pressing a hand to her ribs. 

“You’re okay,” he chants, holding her gently once he arrives at her side, whispering words of comfort into her hair, breathing in her scent. “You’re okay, you’re okay.” 

“I’m here, Cass,” she murmurs, reaching up to run a shaky hand through his hair. “I’m okay. The medics patched me up.” 

If a few tears leak out of his eyes and onto her neck, she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she coaxes him to lay next to her. While she can’t move much without hurting herself or disturbing any medical equipment, Cassian can curl around her without any consequences. 

“I thought I’d lost you,” he croaks, turning his head to kiss the wrist of the hand she’s stroking down his cheek. “You almost _died_.” 

She pauses, then says, “When they –– when they had to sedate you, I was still conscious. I saw you fall, and I thought you’d been shot. That there was a sniper I had missed.” 

He hears the unspoken words, only because they had been ringing in his ears hours earlier. _I thought I had gotten you killed._

“Oh, Jyn,” Cassian murmurs, burying his nose in her hair. “I’m here. We’re both here –– we’re alive.” 

She sighs, almost as if she doesn't believe him, but before he can say anything, she smiles weakly down at him. "C'mon, Cass. Let's get some sleep before the medics come back and split us up." 

He hums in response, pushing down the residual anxiety in his chest. They're alive. 

Battered and bruised, yes, but _alive._


	20. "are you jealous?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from anonymous on tumblr: "Are you still taking in prompts? If you are, how about, “Are you jealous?” for Rebelcaptain"

“Are you jealous?” 

“Of course I’m not _jealous_ ,” Cassian grouches, hunching his shoulders ever so slightly, leaning down so his face is closer to hers. “I’m just…”

He trails off, looking for a word that isn’t “jealous,” then stops, unable to find one. A look of sheer frustration crosses his face, and Jyn cackles, utterly delighted. 

“You _are_ jealous!” 

She knows how he feels about her, knows how deep his feelings go, but never in her life has she seen this sort of emotion flash over his face. There’s nothing to worry about –– she loves him, and only him; that’s something of which they’re both aware –– but feelings like this are usually irrational, and from the heart, not the head.

While she’s sure Cassian has felt these things before, he’s never shown it. Her, on the other hand, usually couldn’t keep her jealously under control. It doesn’t happen often, but when someone flirts with him unknowingly, she’ll feel it boil up inside of her, hands clenching and face flushing. And since Cassian knows exactly what this does to her, he’ll smoothly tell him he’s not interested and prevent her from marching over and decking someone in the face. 

It doesn’t make it easier, seeing other people trying to bed him –– even though they both know nothing will ever come of it. Her solution to prevent that from even happening? Leave an obscene amount of marks on his neck to let others know that he’s _hers._

And speaking of hickeys…

She examines his neck closely, seeing the faded bruises that are barely visible underneath the collar after his parka. She wonders, absently, if there will be enough time before she sets out on her mission to pull him into a storage closet and jump him.

Just as she goes to suggest that (because nothing helps heal jealousy more than a quick fuck), Cassian opens his mouth to cut her off. 

“I’m not jealous, Jyn,” he grits out once again. “I don’t trust Solo to keep you safe.” 

She arches a brow. She knows he has good intentions in saying that, but she can damn well take care of herself. “I don’t need Solo to protect me,” she tells him dryly, then adds, “I don’t need _you_ to, either. I can take care of myself.” 

Cassian shifts, looking uncomfortable. 

They _both_ know that she can keep herself safe, so why the hell would he say that? She’s gone on plenty of missions with Solo before, and he’s never seen to have a problem. 

_Unless ––_

“You’re upset that I have to pretend to be his wife,” she says, realization dawning on her, eyes lighting up. 

A pause. 

Then, he mumbles, “I just don’t like the idea of him getting to touch you like I do.” 

“No one gets to touch me like you do, Captain,” she purrs, trailing her fingers down his chest playfully. He bats her hand away, but there’s a hint of a smile on his face despite the glare he’s sending the Millennium Falcon right now.

“Hey, look at me,” she reaches up to turn his face towards her, forcing his focus away from Han Solo and the Falcon. “Nothing’s going to happen between us. It’s just a mission. You do these things all the time.” 

“I _know,_ it’s just –– “ he huffs, running his hand over his face tiredly. “I don’t know why it bothers me so much. I’m sorry, Jyn. I shouldn’t be like –– _this.”_

“Don’t apologize for feeling things, Cassian,” she murmurs. It’s times like this that she has to remind him of his humanity, has to remind him that he’s not just a cog in the rebellion’s machine, that he’s more than that. “You’re allowed to feel.” 

He smiles weakly, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead, face looking too worn-out for his twenty-something years. “When do you leave?” 

“Solo won’t leave without me,” she shrugs, lying blatantly through her teeth, knowing that their scheduled leaving time is in a few minutes. “C’mon. We have some time.” 

Jyn reaches up, tugging him by his jacket. Smirking, she very nearly drags him across the hangar bay (though once he realizes her intentions, he almost starts _running_ ), and into the first private alcove they can find. 

Ten minutes later, she saunters into the Falcon, grinning like a cat who just caught a mouse and feeling very pleased with herself.

“Hey!” Han says, pointing at her neck indignantly. “You cheatin’ on me, Erso?” 

The bruises Cassian left behind ache pleasantly, and she can’t find it in herself to cover them up with her scarf. Just like he’s hers, she’s _his_. “You know I only married you for your money, _husband_ ,” she teases, flapping her hand in the direction of the cockpit. “Let’s get this hunk of junk off the ground, hmm?”

Han scowls, but does what she asks anyway, and Jyn takes the time to send Cassian a private message on her datapad.

 **Sergeant Erso, Jyn [02:58]:** u okay? i’ll be home soon

 **Captain Andor, Cassian [3:01]: B** odhi just asked me if I’d been attacked. Thought there was some sort of creature running around the base biting people.

 **Captain Andor, Cassian [3:02]:** But no, I’m not as jealous anymore. Thank you.

 **Sergeant Erso, Jyn [3:02]:** hey, anytime you need another reminder, just let me know ;)

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to send prompts to me on tumblr @[jeronandor](https://jeronandor.tumblr.com) or leave a comment if you want to see something in particular!


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